COMEDY QUOTE

Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.

-Mitch Hedberg

Dog vs. Vuvuzela

Finally, a proper response to that obnoxious sound. Dogs rule.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gqv4Vviod0c

SOCK IT TO ME

As 3d televisions are moving off the shelves and iphone production fails to keep up with the stampede of demand, something very simple and ancient refuses to give way to all things new. Hand puppets. Pictured right is Warren the Ape. He's the star of a new show on MTV by the same name. Furthermore, he's not much different than the stinky sock puppet you put on your hand as a kid. This show does not attempt to reinvent the puppet or fuse it with modernity. It's a fist shoved into a fuzzy wrag which is then pumped full of the wit and bite of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog.

Perhaps the point is, everything can't be Avatar. We need contrast. And so it is with radio stations and their imaging. Some resemble the complexity and too cool for the room vibe of the iphone and some are more like the unfiltered crudity that comes from making a dirty sock that smells like stale Dorito's do an imitation of your uncle Bob. Yes, crudity is a word. The internet says so.

Both are equally entertaining. Both clearly have a place in media and society. What's better, you can increase their effectiveness and entertainment value by cleverly squishing them together. Remember Dennis Miller Live on HBO? That show seemed to smoothly shift from insightful political and social commentary to rampant eff bombs in 0.0 seconds. John Stewart, Steven Colbert and Bill Maher have a similar formula. Now, they have more credibility than network news.

What we're saying is, it pays to know that your audience has more than one dimension. Soccer moms can have a great sense of humor. Political junkies sometimes talk about who is the better draper on Project Runway. Soccer fans have been known to hold jobs and be productive members of society after intense anger therapy. If you want to prove to your audience that you really understand them, go beyond the obvious. A well thought out sweeper can do it quickly at no cost.

The young, text-crazy, iphone obsessed, video-game-addicted, hi-tech generation loves the oldest trick in the book. A dirty sock. So, what's the dirty sock for your audience? There's a good start to your next brainstorming session.

KATY PARODY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c_stcgW8E4o

We love Katy Perry and, we also love parodies. This vid kinda sorta has both.

MORE IMAGING MORE GOODER

Anger fits are a time honored tradition among many production people. Yelling, colorful rapid fire profanity, throwin' stuff and making idle threats are as much a part of the gig as Red Bull and junk food. Sure it's fun but,eventually you get a bad rep and before you know it, people are pegging you as the grassy knowl guy in the Kennedy assassination. Not cool. Maybe we can help by getting rid of frustration all together. How about a creative powerup that sends you more fully produced, just add water, major market imaging pieces every month? Now there's an idea that doesn't stink too bad. Look for more imaging on Ripped next month. Rocket science too. Firepower soon to follow.

Edit, customize, slap on your calls or just steal the idea. Bag imaging is your production slave. It never takes a vacation, it doesn't get sick, it doesn't talk back and it routinely saves your butt. That means you never have to miss another episode of Judge Judy.

A LA CART

So you want to become a podcasting superstar. With enthusiastic dynamism you have embraced all the latest computer technology. Now, at your fingertips, you have the ability to produce your show from your bedroom or local coffee hang. There is one slight problem, you yearn for the "Old School" way of production. Admit it, you wish you could carry around your old trusty cart machine. Retro is cool and we understand your need to get in touch with vintage greatness

Well, if you where born after 1982 you may not be familiar with cart technology, as well as, 8 track, cassette, and vinyl records, as these are all "Old School" artifacts of the trade. Soon to be in the same class is the Instant Replay, the modern cart replacement for radio folks. It's fast, easy and powerful, however, too expensive for a homegrown podcast.

All you need now is your laptop, a mic, and an inexpensive software replacement for the Instant Replay. For you Mac users out there, for just $29 bucks, you can snag Soundboard from Ambrosia Software. With Soundboard you can add your special gloss to your podcasts or broadcasts. Add sound clips, special effects, music, backgrounds, stingers, bumpers, laugh tracks... etc. Create your own libraries of show specific audio clips and fire them off with a hot key from your keyboard. Tap the key and you have just replicated your beloved cart. Soundboard is designed to be easy to use while performing live. You can also edit sounds, drag and drop, and control Soundboard via a MIDI device.

Ambrosia Software has video overviews to get you up and running on their web site.

http://www.ambrosiasw.com

SLIPKNOT BASS PLAYER FOUND DEAD

Urbandale police say a hotel employee found 38-year-old Paul Dedrick Gray dead in a room at the Town Plaza Hotel. Foul play wasn't suspected. The Polk County Medical Examiner's Office plans an autopsy Tuesday.

Most Slipknot members grew up in the Des Moines area. The band, known for its grotesque masks, released its first album in 1999. It sold more than 1 million copies.

For our Ripped users, we have posted an imaging piece relevant to the announcement. You'll find it on the main page as a media buzz cut.

ROCKET SCIENCE REFRESHED

We're clicking around the back end of the website to do a nip/tuck on RS. It was time to refresh categories and get the site ready for the new creative that's coming. As Hot AC changes, RS will change with it, this is the beginning of another stage of evolution.

The simple and fast functionality will stay the same, only the organization will change. We'll be making a tutorial video to walk you through the refreshed layout. Keep watching the Bagazine for more details coming soon.

RONNIE JAMES DIO DEAD AT 67

Just say"Dio" and people know what you're talking about. He made an impression far beyond the world of metal. This link to an NY Times article includes several videos that help illustrate his influence.

http://artsbeat.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/05/17/the-lighter-side-of-ronnie-james-dio/

INDY 500 MUSIC

Memorial Day weekend is just around the corner, and that means it’s time to fire up that Indy 500 production. To get ourselves in the mood, here are some tracks we are listening to while watching Danica Patrick and Milka Duno fight on youtube.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=frcOogBzSY8

This list should also make for a good soundtrack while trying to pass that swervedriver in the Mini-van on the way to the liquor store.

Jimi Hendrix – Crosstown Traffic
Alice Cooper – Under My Wheels
Audioslave - Gasoline
Buckcherry – On the Road Again
Cake –Going The Distance
Chuck Berry – Riding Around in my Automobile
Deep Purple - Highway Star
Fear Factory – Cars
Fuel –Metallica
Gary Numan – Cars
George Jones – The Race Is On
Golden Earring – Radar Love
Jimi Hendrix – Crosstown Traffic
Ministry – Jesus Built My Hotrod
Motely Crue – Kickstart My Heart
Paul Oakenfold – Speed
Primus - Jerry Was A Race Car Driver
Ratt – Round and Round
Sammy Hagar – I Can’t Drive 55
Slayer – Born To Be Wild
Static-X – Speedway
Steppenwolf – Born To Be Wild
The Beatles – Drive my Car
The Cars – Drive
The Prodigy – Speedway
War – Low Rider
White Lion – Radar Love
White Zombie – Thunder Kiss ‘65
Willie Nelson – On the Road Again

SUMMING MIXERS

Awhile back, we tested 3 summing mixers. We don't want to get into brand names because we don't want to do a shootout. We just want to get some info out there because summing mixers are growing in sales while being the topic of much debate.

First the concept behind the gear. Summing mixers are supposed to help your daw audio sound more like it has gone through an analog console. Your audio is sent through analog circuitry to add warmth but, it's also bypassing your digital summing pipe so you can get better stereo imaging. Some boxes do only that while others claim to add some color to your sound, maybe a little beef on the bottom etc.

Second, our test. It's not so simple to do an accurate test to see exactly what the mixer does compared to your in-the-box mix. The web is loaded with controversy about it and it can be confusing. We talked to reps from the companies to make sure we were using the boxes properly. We chose one inexpensive brand, one middle priced and one high end. All units performed 8 channel summing.

Third, the result. We noticed a difference in sound with all 3 units, however, all of us here at the bag didn't always agree that the difference was an improvement. Overall, the difference was small and sometimes hard to detect. With a little more investigation we found that summing really becomes more significant at 16 channels and beyond. Imagine a 48 channel console. The cumulative effect of all those channels is really where the magic is. For project studios with less than 16 channels of output to be summed, you may find results that leave you wanting more for the money you spent.

More companies are coming out with summing mixers since they've been a hot item and maybe the technology will improve for 8 channel capacity so, this could be an interesting category to watch.

WHAT IS PPM READY?

Not long ago, the buzz phrase we we're all hearing was "HD ready". Mp3 files were rumored to soon be obsolete in the HD world. Production services were scrambling to position themselves as HD ready. Now, that phrase is clinically dead and ppm ready is the heavyweight champ of radio hyperbole.

What does it mean? How do you get there? Honestly, no one really knows. Stations that have done well in the ppm markets have perhaps done so by default. The technology appears to favor certain formats although not consistently. Programmers and staffers are baffled and from what we hear, the story on ppm changes frequently. It's a moving target. Of course, flatly admitting you don't know what's happening or where things are going is scary and unpopular. So, what do you do?

We're not armed with magic bullets but, we can offer an opinion. We think great radio works regardless of measurement methodology. Compelling is compelling right? Did Rush Limbaugh pack up and go home because he heard ppm favors music intensive pop formats? He knows better and so do his advertisers. Content is still king. If you're providing original, compelling radio everyday, pirates can't touch you and the people meter can't kill you. That's our opinion. If we're wrong, get ready for Hot AC on every frequency, every minute of every day.

MINING RADIO GOLD

Good or bad, radio is changing. We certainly don’t sit around a wooden box with our families and listen to the radio to our favorite programs anymore. Computers pretty much run the show now (literally) and a lot of the radio we listen to is piped through a mobile phone or some other wi-fi or 3G gadget. But every so often, it’s good for us to look back and see where it all came from. We’ve compiled a list of places you can online to listen to various shows, commercials and other content from the Golden Age of Radio.

Old iTunes commercials – a glimpse into what products were being advertised and how they advertised them (downloads are $0.99 but you can listen to the ads in their entirety for free – link will open iTunes app) - http://itunes.apple.com/us/album/old-time-radio-commercials/id271694368

Radio Lovers - Old Time Radio programs of all sorts including Amos & Andy, Bob Hope and Benny Goodman - http://www.radiolovers.com/

OTR (Old TimeRadio) - Old radio commercials sorted by year starting in the early 20’s up to the 50’s http://www.old-time.com/commercials/

Old Timer Radio Fans – Another place to listen to retro ads from the 50’s and earlier http://www.oldtimeradiofans.com/old_radio_commercials/1957_Chevrolet.php

CREATING PRO TOOLS TEMPLATES

If you’re constantly re-setting up groups, using the same eq settings for your VO in Pro Tools or any DAW for that matter it’s time to set up a master template. Even if your not grouping, having audio tracks already created with your “go to “ eq ready and your favorite limiter across the stereo buss can save you loads of time whn you add up all the productions you do in a week. I like to route my sfx and drops through a group and apply separate eq and compression to that and if I have more than one VO element run a separate group for that. The same applies to any multiple music tracks as in a hook promo.
If you’ve never set up a group before basically you assign the outputs of the tracks you want to group to a buss (e.g., buss 1 & 2) Create an Aux track and assign the inputs of it to buss 1 & 2, and the outputs of the Aux track to Stereo 1&2 (which feeds the Master fader). Any eq or compression or fx you want to apply to just those in the group you insert across the newly created Aux channel. It also makes it easier to mix if for instance you need to raise the level of all your Music elements.
Once you’ve created your template, choose “Save As” Name the session (e.g. Master template) and click Save. In the Mac finder locate the session and click on it once to select it and press” Command I” or right click it and select “Get Info”. Select the Stationary Pad option, select the locked option and close the window. When you open the template it will ask you whether you want to edit the stationary pad (in case you want to edit your template) or start a new session with your saved template. Click “New Session” which saves a copy of the template for you to work on.

HAPPY BELATED EARTH DAY

We were busy recycling used mp3 files on Earth Day so we hope you'll forgive our tardiness. Here's a vid to help celebrate even though it's a little late.


biz markie

WOODPECKERS FROM SPACE

Cool retro sound design and wicked woodpecker rapping make this piece unforgettable.


Click here to see the video.

10 Easy steps to boost your Internet speed without buying stuff

We here at Brown Bag realize that slow internet speeds can get in the way of productivity. Especially when it comes to downloading the many thousands of cuts we have to offer. That’s why we want to show you 10 easy ways you can tweak your way to a faster internet experience.
1. Adjust your browser settings
Use Mozilla Firefox. Internet Explorer downloads all files on a web page in sequential order – Firefox does not, giving you a little bit o’ bandwidth savings. If you have to use IE make sure you have all the upgrades. If your on a Mac, try the latest Safari. It isn’t bad.
2. Call your friendly neighborhood ISP
In these tough economic times you might be able to negotiate a better internet package for a reasonable (or sometimes even the same) price. If not, talk to the boss about switching the service. There might be something faster and cheaper out there.
3. Tweak your router settings
Check your router’s manual. See if there are ports you can open up to help boost speed.
4. Keep the riff raff out
Make sure those slackers next door in studio B are not piggybacking on your wifi. If they are downloading movies, music or other large files on your wireless network, they can slow things down quite a bit. Encrypt your network with a password (again check your router manual for instructions on how to do this)
5. Trim the bandwidth fat.
A lot of apps like to secretly hog your internet connection behind the scenes. They start up when your computer boots and unless you really know what to look for, you’ll never know about it. Look for programs like Windows Update, Antivirus programs (use caution with this one – try updating manually at the end of your shift etc.), Real Player, MSN, Skype and others. Even when you are not running the app, they can still run your speed into the ground.
6. Get a better router
Ok so this one’s not free but it could save you a ton of time. The router that came from your ISP probably isn’t the fastest on the block. A lot of good routers are pretty cheap these days. But if it’s not in the cards, try placing your wireless router and modem in a place that’s not obstructed by walls, doors or other equipment.
7. Ditch your wireless
If possible, try connecting your computer directly to the router with an Ethernet cable. Keep in mind, the longer the cable, the slower your connection may be.
8. Get techy with it
This one’s for all you geeks out there but rookies…listen closely
Keep in mind this works on Windows only
Click Start-->Run-->type "gpedit.msc" without the "
This opens the group policy editor. Then go to: Local Computer Policy-->Computer Configuration-->Administrative Templates-->Network-->QOS Packet Scheduler-->Limit Reservable Bandwidth
Double click on Limit Reservable bandwidth. It will say it is not configured, but the truth is under the 'Explain' tab :
By default, the Packet Scheduler limits the system to 20 percent of the bandwidth of a connection, but you can use this setting to override the default.
So the trick is to ENABLE reservable bandwidth, then set it to ZERO. This should speed things up a bit.
10. Firefox Addons
There is a Firefox add on called DownloadThemAll. This thing lets you customize download settings and has a download accelerator that can bring you up to ludicrous speed.

MUSIC FOR TAX DAY

Here are some songs about money that might help get the ball rolling on some Tax Day themed production.

The Beatles “Tax Man”
The Beatles “Can’t Buy Me Love”
Dire Straits “Money for Nothing”
Johnny Paycheck “Me and the I.R.S.”
The Kinks “Sunny Afternoon”
John Lee Hooker “I Need Money”
Barrett Strong “Money (That’s what I want”)
Flying Lizards “Money (That’s what I want”)
Pink Floyd “Money”
Monty Python “Money Song”
Michael Jackson “Money”
Ray Charles “Busted”
Robert Cray Band “1040 Blues”
Spinal Tap “Gimme Some Money”

AVID BUYS EUPHONIX

Lotsa buzz about this over the weekend. Here's a link to an article on marketwire.com that gives more info.


marketwire.com -avid buys euphonix

SMOOTH JAZZICA

Nothing says true fame more than Metallica performing hard rock in a smooth jazz style without their fans stoning them to death. What's next, a tour with Kenny G?


http://www.buzzfeed.com/awesomer/smoothjazzica